Post by nzbc on Mar 20, 2022 13:38:02 GMT 12
A Chinese Dinner.
A HUMOUROUS DESCRIPTION OF THE NATIVE MEAL. 1 am suffering from the after-effects o a Chinese dinner, or chow-chow, 1 -tov attended a big dinner at home, and fel bilious next day, bu* niter tins Chines horror 1 feel that I shall notice th effects for the re*, ot my life. No foreigi medicine urn cope with the mass ot garb age, both cooked and raw, that 1 « compelled to swallow. My companion who induced me to-at tend ’this function is a well-snowu bust ■eea man, and it was noco-sary tor bin attend for business reasons. I third myself, looking back upon wiiat occur red, that he had made a lot of monet out of his Chinese ho<. and that tin Chinaman was having his revenge. Oi course you will say, '“Why did von nol give every dish a miss in baulk ‘‘ 1 will expiam The man who accompanied me impress ed me with the fact aat the dinner cosi a lot of money, and that, it was very un complimentary to the host not to cat That is where they have you, and that i» why I have.a mouth like the wastepipe, of a kitchen sink, and see airballs every time T look at the -ky. The initial horror of the affair was c"icoufftorod on the way to the restaurant. started along Nanking Koad in ’tick«ha», and 1 had visions of going to a Chinese garden, sitting out under the stars, ab-orbiug local colour. enjoying quail.*, dish'-s. and generally making a nodding acquaintance with som- of the mysteries of the Hast about which 1 could in after-lac, lie fearlessly to tav irie«id> at home. The tir't disillusion cc'Urnd when we were half way along Nanking Hoad, wheu lay 'ricksha, following my compuuion s, turned down a narrow, noisy, dirty little street. "Hi" I shouted after him “where o« earth are you going r" ‘Tt s all right," lie replied over his shoulder. "All right I -lied v i;t- my handkerchief
rny uo.-e. "vou surely don't m an to try and "•<'! me io oat anvthing down this sewer- ' "it I'c‘ter tnrthe.- along," he repliede 1 wish this 1 was forced to be contest. Each narrow street in a Chinese district is characterised bv it- own smell, which i' hidden in 1 v overhanging roofs from opposite buildings and routined bv huge, hanging signs sluag crosswise. Each portion of that street has its own characteristic variation on the main scheme of stink, like divisions in a Neapolitan ice. The local inhabitants do not require or cultivate anv sense of direction: thov find the.r way about from earliest iufauev bv the cense of smell. E'-entually, after going about a mile through an atir.osnhcre which reminded me of the back staircase of a half-crown Soho restaurant at dinner-time, and that would be a paradise to anvone interested in the theory of germs., we stopped opposite a building having more goid paint, carving, and dirt upon it than any I had previously seen. We erteied, and niy companion handed the attendant two slips of paper with Chinese 'diaracters upon them. The attendant then bow*d, shook bands with himself, and showed us inside.
A Chinaman probah’y shakes hands with himself because he is th.> only person he knows that he can he thoroughly sure of. We passed flirough a stone courtyard where they store the vegetables that ha\e pone bad (nothing is ever Fhrown away here) and upstairs into the front room. There we found four Chinese who
appeared delighted to sec us, and were very polite and very, very greasv. After eating some nuts and seeds that you have to cracK with vour teeth—•thoneh why. I fail to see, since there s nothing inside them—we sat down at the table.
In the centre were dishes containing shelled pigeons' eegs swimming in some stuff I cannot be sure of. but fancv must have been vaseline; little cubes of pork surrounded bv what appeared to be chickweed, and ot her delicacies I cannot even guess at. One dish, however, caught my eve and held it. Lying right m the middle of the table, surrounded by stewed grass-hoppers, were some cut in half, with black yolks. I asked my companion whv tli€*v dyp<i their eggs. uyedr ’ he renlied ." "those aren't dyed, the colour comes with age." what are they here forV' I inq red. Something turned over in mv stomach, and I had to grin the chair. ‘Goc.d-night. 1 said, and was half way out of my seat before he could stop me’; but it was useless. He begged me, for the sake of our friendship, to resume my place. I asked him whether he had considered our friendship when he invited me to this culinary practical joke, but he excused himself un,m the plea that he thought 1 should he interested. I told him that 1 might lie interested if I didn’t feel so d**nably sick, and he advised me to try to 'think of something else, but I couldn't—those eggs, lying there naked and shamelessly exposed fascinated me. To make matters worse, just at that moment a Chinese stretched out a claw with two sticks held in the talons and gripped the most disgusting egg on the dish. I shut my eyes mid counted twenty. The Chinaman on my left must nave noticed something, for lie explained that many foreigners wondered wliv thev kept their eggs to a ripe old age, and yet ,hey—the foreigners— ate cheese in an advanced stage of decomposition. I explained that cheese was cheese always, but that eggs, after the copyright expired, Le« i'll 1 a public nuisance; vet he couldn’t see the point somehow. He argued that an egg, after it had dud -tunk with all its might for a few month-, and then resumed its odourloug state rom sheer exhaustion and became beautiful once ami in ; whereas cheese gatheied strength and energy to. stSk with a cm? mually increasing violence as tiire claimed. V hat is the use of arguing with a besighted savugp lijrp that? And again, he is quite right; so I smiled in a superior way and changed tne subject, trusting to luck that "he would think I had several other arguments with wliith to confound him, hut mercifully refrained from Using them out of politenc's. The next cour-e consisted of a brown ball of something in a little dish, surrounded by a It.’ of green something else. I wa- about to take the brown thing, drop it on to the flmr and put my foot on it, when I caught the hosts’ eyes fixed on me. so ! had to put the stuff in my month Then I bit it. It was pure pork fat ! When i recovered roii-rimi-nr--, a man was bringing round what I at first took to bo al out seven pounds of steaming tripe in hi- hands, seeing which I staggered to n.y feet, determined to fight my wav out if ueees-ary. Vmt to my unspeakable relief it turned out to he a bunch of hot. wrt towe’s. Each man took one and wiped Ids fate. Th>s would lie a snl. ii lid custom to introduce into Europe—for the men—and is very rc-
freshing; but I couldn’t help wondering who had been using mine before my turn came. During the dinner they gave us Chinese wine. It is served in special metal cups, probably because it would corrode or- (■• dinar. - glass. The flavour is something J similar to that of mixed crude petroleum aud petrol, but is far more potent, and 1 tastes like one of those buzzy things the dor lists use to take the tartar off your tcc'li. .viler 111.- others had finished eating, six M.ig-song girls made their appear- ■; lev tie custom here is for a diner to send b>. - o.e of these entertainers alt r dinner to sing to him. They have their ‘•arm.-ilis’’ (or duennas) with them, a;?ct ore or two musicians. 1 !■'V v. re nil beautifully dressed in eln’-iii-a!.' tio.v 'red-satin coats, and mine wore ; : :iI; silk trousers trimmed with , frilling, but lier face was one of the me t earth-s piece , of work I have ever s.',.'. I !oli convinced that had I dug my fi-.-.g.'r into her cheek the impression ; would remain as in dough, and longed to make the experiment. s All bad small feet ti’e result of tightly bir.divg thrin vi 'men from babyhood, which had the effect of making them walk like automatic dolls; for their feet are iron- stumps, without muscular play. Seeing a sma'l-footcd woman walk always gives tin- that creepy feeling of the skin which one associates with shrimps era viing up one ’s spine, for I cannot dis-abu-e my mind of tbe impression that every step o.uw s rain; though, of course, -.iii'ls is not th - ca.-e. ( I turned *.') t’.c moon-faced maiden who bad taken up her position on the stool behind mv cliair. and was about to ask ber v. hot her she bad been to any dances •aU-iy. or engage her in some equally insane c ouversation such as is expected of I one oh these occasions, when she looked me • nuaivlv in the eve, made a horrible fare, and lot out a yell that detached a piere of p'lstr: from the ceiling, which ; fell to the floor with a crash 1 | Jumping from mv seat. I yelled to my [ triced to gel ,-ome brandy. | “What do you want brandy forr” he I streamed, [ “Look!’’ I shouted pointing to the girl, “.-IT- gut some female complaint, ■ and got it badly.’’ “Don't be an ass,’’ he roared, “she’s ringing"; and glancing around at my fellow-guests, I was astonished to oh- | serve that they listened to her hysterical -creams unmoved—nay, if anything, they appeared to enjoy them That was my first experience of Chinese vocal musk. It is worse than a gramophone. • The Chinese each held the left hand of one of these apparitions and smiled a beatific smile. At irregular intervals, and without the slightest warning, one of them would let ( out a screech like a girl who had found a beetle in ber bed. I held the bejewelled fore-limb of the lady who had overstrained her pharynx under the misapprehension that she was entertain- , mg me. and wondered, not without some ’ trepidation, what was going to happen rext; but I conld’nt smile, because I was - uncertain whether I was going to be ill again. j However, even a Chinese dinner comes to an end, and I eventually returned and , MTotT a letter to the man who had invited me. telling him I should hold him j responsible if anything serious happened to me, and asking him to be kind enough , to keep out of my way for a week. How I envy you your week-ends up ( the river, with a lobster sa’ad, a bottle of j bubbly, and a fruit salad off the ice!
WANGANUI HERALD, VOLUME XXXXVII, ISSUE 13611, 17 FEBRUARY 1912 paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/WH19120217.2.114?items_per_page=10&page=11&query=chinese+diner&snippet=true
A HUMOUROUS DESCRIPTION OF THE NATIVE MEAL. 1 am suffering from the after-effects o a Chinese dinner, or chow-chow, 1 -tov attended a big dinner at home, and fel bilious next day, bu* niter tins Chines horror 1 feel that I shall notice th effects for the re*, ot my life. No foreigi medicine urn cope with the mass ot garb age, both cooked and raw, that 1 « compelled to swallow. My companion who induced me to-at tend ’this function is a well-snowu bust ■eea man, and it was noco-sary tor bin attend for business reasons. I third myself, looking back upon wiiat occur red, that he had made a lot of monet out of his Chinese ho<. and that tin Chinaman was having his revenge. Oi course you will say, '“Why did von nol give every dish a miss in baulk ‘‘ 1 will expiam The man who accompanied me impress ed me with the fact aat the dinner cosi a lot of money, and that, it was very un complimentary to the host not to cat That is where they have you, and that i» why I have.a mouth like the wastepipe, of a kitchen sink, and see airballs every time T look at the -ky. The initial horror of the affair was c"icoufftorod on the way to the restaurant. started along Nanking Koad in ’tick«ha», and 1 had visions of going to a Chinese garden, sitting out under the stars, ab-orbiug local colour. enjoying quail.*, dish'-s. and generally making a nodding acquaintance with som- of the mysteries of the Hast about which 1 could in after-lac, lie fearlessly to tav irie«id> at home. The tir't disillusion cc'Urnd when we were half way along Nanking Hoad, wheu lay 'ricksha, following my compuuion s, turned down a narrow, noisy, dirty little street. "Hi" I shouted after him “where o« earth are you going r" ‘Tt s all right," lie replied over his shoulder. "All right I -lied v i;t- my handkerchief
rny uo.-e. "vou surely don't m an to try and "•<'! me io oat anvthing down this sewer- ' "it I'c‘ter tnrthe.- along," he repliede 1 wish this 1 was forced to be contest. Each narrow street in a Chinese district is characterised bv it- own smell, which i' hidden in 1 v overhanging roofs from opposite buildings and routined bv huge, hanging signs sluag crosswise. Each portion of that street has its own characteristic variation on the main scheme of stink, like divisions in a Neapolitan ice. The local inhabitants do not require or cultivate anv sense of direction: thov find the.r way about from earliest iufauev bv the cense of smell. E'-entually, after going about a mile through an atir.osnhcre which reminded me of the back staircase of a half-crown Soho restaurant at dinner-time, and that would be a paradise to anvone interested in the theory of germs., we stopped opposite a building having more goid paint, carving, and dirt upon it than any I had previously seen. We erteied, and niy companion handed the attendant two slips of paper with Chinese 'diaracters upon them. The attendant then bow*d, shook bands with himself, and showed us inside.A Chinaman probah’y shakes hands with himself because he is th.> only person he knows that he can he thoroughly sure of. We passed flirough a stone courtyard where they store the vegetables that ha\e pone bad (nothing is ever Fhrown away here) and upstairs into the front room. There we found four Chinese who
appeared delighted to sec us, and were very polite and very, very greasv. After eating some nuts and seeds that you have to cracK with vour teeth—•thoneh why. I fail to see, since there s nothing inside them—we sat down at the table.
In the centre were dishes containing shelled pigeons' eegs swimming in some stuff I cannot be sure of. but fancv must have been vaseline; little cubes of pork surrounded bv what appeared to be chickweed, and ot her delicacies I cannot even guess at. One dish, however, caught my eve and held it. Lying right m the middle of the table, surrounded by stewed grass-hoppers, were some cut in half, with black yolks. I asked my companion whv tli€*v dyp<i their eggs. uyedr ’ he renlied ." "those aren't dyed, the colour comes with age." what are they here forV' I inq red. Something turned over in mv stomach, and I had to grin the chair. ‘Goc.d-night. 1 said, and was half way out of my seat before he could stop me’; but it was useless. He begged me, for the sake of our friendship, to resume my place. I asked him whether he had considered our friendship when he invited me to this culinary practical joke, but he excused himself un,m the plea that he thought 1 should he interested. I told him that 1 might lie interested if I didn’t feel so d**nably sick, and he advised me to try to 'think of something else, but I couldn't—those eggs, lying there naked and shamelessly exposed fascinated me. To make matters worse, just at that moment a Chinese stretched out a claw with two sticks held in the talons and gripped the most disgusting egg on the dish. I shut my eyes mid counted twenty. The Chinaman on my left must nave noticed something, for lie explained that many foreigners wondered wliv thev kept their eggs to a ripe old age, and yet ,hey—the foreigners— ate cheese in an advanced stage of decomposition. I explained that cheese was cheese always, but that eggs, after the copyright expired, Le« i'll 1 a public nuisance; vet he couldn’t see the point somehow. He argued that an egg, after it had dud -tunk with all its might for a few month-, and then resumed its odourloug state rom sheer exhaustion and became beautiful once ami in ; whereas cheese gatheied strength and energy to. stSk with a cm? mually increasing violence as tiire claimed. V hat is the use of arguing with a besighted savugp lijrp that? And again, he is quite right; so I smiled in a superior way and changed tne subject, trusting to luck that "he would think I had several other arguments with wliith to confound him, hut mercifully refrained from Using them out of politenc's. The next cour-e consisted of a brown ball of something in a little dish, surrounded by a It.’ of green something else. I wa- about to take the brown thing, drop it on to the flmr and put my foot on it, when I caught the hosts’ eyes fixed on me. so ! had to put the stuff in my month Then I bit it. It was pure pork fat ! When i recovered roii-rimi-nr--, a man was bringing round what I at first took to bo al out seven pounds of steaming tripe in hi- hands, seeing which I staggered to n.y feet, determined to fight my wav out if ueees-ary. Vmt to my unspeakable relief it turned out to he a bunch of hot. wrt towe’s. Each man took one and wiped Ids fate. Th>s would lie a snl. ii lid custom to introduce into Europe—for the men—and is very rc-
freshing; but I couldn’t help wondering who had been using mine before my turn came. During the dinner they gave us Chinese wine. It is served in special metal cups, probably because it would corrode or- (■• dinar. - glass. The flavour is something J similar to that of mixed crude petroleum aud petrol, but is far more potent, and 1 tastes like one of those buzzy things the dor lists use to take the tartar off your tcc'li. .viler 111.- others had finished eating, six M.ig-song girls made their appear- ■; lev tie custom here is for a diner to send b>. - o.e of these entertainers alt r dinner to sing to him. They have their ‘•arm.-ilis’’ (or duennas) with them, a;?ct ore or two musicians. 1 !■'V v. re nil beautifully dressed in eln’-iii-a!.' tio.v 'red-satin coats, and mine wore ; : :iI; silk trousers trimmed with , frilling, but lier face was one of the me t earth-s piece , of work I have ever s.',.'. I !oli convinced that had I dug my fi-.-.g.'r into her cheek the impression ; would remain as in dough, and longed to make the experiment. s All bad small feet ti’e result of tightly bir.divg thrin vi 'men from babyhood, which had the effect of making them walk like automatic dolls; for their feet are iron- stumps, without muscular play. Seeing a sma'l-footcd woman walk always gives tin- that creepy feeling of the skin which one associates with shrimps era viing up one ’s spine, for I cannot dis-abu-e my mind of tbe impression that every step o.uw s rain; though, of course, -.iii'ls is not th - ca.-e. ( I turned *.') t’.c moon-faced maiden who bad taken up her position on the stool behind mv cliair. and was about to ask ber v. hot her she bad been to any dances •aU-iy. or engage her in some equally insane c ouversation such as is expected of I one oh these occasions, when she looked me • nuaivlv in the eve, made a horrible fare, and lot out a yell that detached a piere of p'lstr: from the ceiling, which ; fell to the floor with a crash 1 | Jumping from mv seat. I yelled to my [ triced to gel ,-ome brandy. | “What do you want brandy forr” he I streamed, [ “Look!’’ I shouted pointing to the girl, “.-IT- gut some female complaint, ■ and got it badly.’’ “Don't be an ass,’’ he roared, “she’s ringing"; and glancing around at my fellow-guests, I was astonished to oh- | serve that they listened to her hysterical -creams unmoved—nay, if anything, they appeared to enjoy them That was my first experience of Chinese vocal musk. It is worse than a gramophone. • The Chinese each held the left hand of one of these apparitions and smiled a beatific smile. At irregular intervals, and without the slightest warning, one of them would let ( out a screech like a girl who had found a beetle in ber bed. I held the bejewelled fore-limb of the lady who had overstrained her pharynx under the misapprehension that she was entertain- , mg me. and wondered, not without some ’ trepidation, what was going to happen rext; but I conld’nt smile, because I was - uncertain whether I was going to be ill again. j However, even a Chinese dinner comes to an end, and I eventually returned and , MTotT a letter to the man who had invited me. telling him I should hold him j responsible if anything serious happened to me, and asking him to be kind enough , to keep out of my way for a week. How I envy you your week-ends up ( the river, with a lobster sa’ad, a bottle of j bubbly, and a fruit salad off the ice!
WANGANUI HERALD, VOLUME XXXXVII, ISSUE 13611, 17 FEBRUARY 1912 paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/WH19120217.2.114?items_per_page=10&page=11&query=chinese+diner&snippet=true